Love Languages 101: How to Show Yourself and Others Some Love

Love isn’t one-size-fits-all. The way we feel loved and express it can look completely different for everyone. Have you ever done something special for someone and felt unappreciated? Or maybe someone showed you kindness, but it didn’t quite hit the way you expected? That’s where love language comes in.

Dr. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages explains, the unique ways people give, and receive love: words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch, and receiving gifts. Knowing your love language can help improve your relationships, but it’s also a powerful tool for self-love. 

Let’s break down each love language so you can discover yours and learn how to fill your own cup while also making others feel valued.

1.) Words of Affirmation: Love Through Language 

If words make your heart feel full, this might be your love, language. Compliments, encouragement, and verbal affirmations are what make you feel truly appreciated. A kind, and unexpected note, or hearing someone say “I’m proud of you” can be incredibly meaningful. On the flip side, harsh words or lack of acknowledgment can be deeply hurtful. 

How to show yourself love

• Start your day with affirmations like “I am enough,” or “I am worthy of love and success.”
• Right now things you love about yourself in a journal.
• Replace negative self-talk with encouraging words.

How to show others love 

• Send a thoughtful text or voice message to someone you care about.
• Be specific when giving compliments (e.g., “You have such a kind heart,” instead of just “You’re nice.”
• Acknowledge someone’s hard work with words of appreciation.

Words carry energy, speak kindly to yourself and to others.

2.) Acts of Service: Love in Action 

For people who value acts of service, actions speak, louder than words. It’s not about extravagant gestures, but rather small, thoughtful things that show effort. When someone takes time to make your life easier— like cooking a meal, running an errand, or helping, without being asked it means the world. But broken promises or lack of follow-through can be disappointing.

How to show yourself love

• Prep meals or set out your clothes the night before to make life smoother.
• Clean and organize your space to create a stress-free environment.
• Set reminders to take care of yourself, like scheduling doctor appointments or planning a day off. 
  

How to show others love 

• Offer to help a friend with something they’re struggling with.
• Surprise someone by doing a small task for them, like grabbing their coffee or washing the dishes.
• Follow through on your promises; being reliable is one of the best ways to show love.

 

3.) Quality Time: Undivided Attention 

If you’re the type who craves deep convos over coffee or late-night drive just talking about life, quality time is your jam. It’s all about undivided attention and being present. Because nothing feels worse than trying to connect with someone who’s constantly distracted or half-listening.

How to show yourself love

• Plan solo dates—go to the café, take a nature walk, or binge-watch your favorite show guilt-free.
• Disconnect from social media and be fully present in whatever you’re doing.
• Schedule "me time" to help you focus on yourself, like meditation, journaling, or painting.
  

How to show others love 

• Put your phone away and engage in real conversation.
• Planning quality time with loved ones, whether it’s a road trip, dinner, date, or a simple coffee catch-up. 
• Make time for check-in and deep convos— people with this love language thrive on real connections.

If this is your love language, being present matters more than the amount of time spent together, so focus on quality over quantity.

4.) Physical Touch: Love Through Affection 

For some, a hug can say more than a thousand words. Those into physical touch, love the feeling of being connected through physical presence and affection. If this is your love language, even small gestures, like a reassuring pat on the back or sitting closer to someone can be incredibly meaningful.

How to show yourself love

• Wrap yourself in cozy blankets or wear soft, comfy clothes.
• Get a massage or stretch your body to release tension.
• Engage in activities that involve movement like dancing, yoga, or working out.

How to show others love 

• Give real, meaningful hugs.
• Offer a reassuring touch, like holding hands, a pat on the back, or a shoulder squeeze if appropriate. 
• If you have a pet play with them because animals count too.

Physical affection releases oxytocin (aka the “love hormone”)—so don’t hold back.

5.) Receiving Gifts: Thoughtfulness Over Price Tag

Many assume that receiving gifts is about materialism, but it’s actually about the thought behind the gift. For people with this love language, a well-thought-out present, no matter how small, makes them feel deeply appreciated.

How to show yourself love

• Buy yourself flowers because you deserve them.
• Invest in something that makes life easier.
• Make a “Self-Care Box” filled with little treats for when you need a pick-me-up.
  

How to show others love 

• Surprise a friend with their favorite snack.
• Give meaningful gifts instead of expensive ones
• Send a small money gift with a thoughtful note

How to Keep Love Flowing for Yourself and Others 

Learning your love language is just the first step. To keep love strong in your life, make it a regular practice:

• Be consistent. Don’t just show love on special occasions; make it a daily habit.
• Communicate what you need. Let people know what makes you feel loved, and ask about their love languages too.
• Celebrate progress. Showing love is a learning process, so give yourself and others grace.

When you understand your love language, you create a more meaningful connection, both with yourself and the people around you.